Condolences

“Every step of the way, we walk the line, your days are numbered, so are mine.”

– Bob Dylan

                                

                                                        family

 It’s been 3 months since my brother’s death. That’s 89 days. Peter Willison died from suicide at the age of 29.638 years old. That’s 10825 days. That’s the headline, but that’s not the whole story. It’s kinda like saying that you don’t need to read the bible because you already know that the Christ guy dies.
 People have offered me condolences. Thank you, but I just want my brother back. It tears a hole in my heart to think of the loss of this great man. There are moments of extreme clarity when I can feel the rawness of my wounded heart. It’s hard to put into words the rare gem that was Peter Willison, and it’s nearly impossible for those words to convey the depth of joy and love that came from knowing this kind and caring soul. My mission parameters were to avoid unnecessary personal relationships. And this guy – Peter Willison, somehow snuck in. 10825 days, and I didn’t get my fill. This guy was, and is, worth fighting for. Peter Willison, the sweetest guy that I’ve ever known. He absolutely had a heart of gold.
 Now it’s my turn to offer you my condolences. I hope that you were blessed enough to have some of Petey’s 10825 days spent in your company, and if not then I am truly sorry for your loss. Which brings me to why I am doing this. If you didn’t know Petey then it’s hard for you to realize what you are missing. Petey was instantly likable. He was a true joy, even just to be around. He was fun. And funny! His smile was like a warm ray of sunshine. And his laugh was…contagious! He had an amazing capacity for love and caring. I strive to be able to put the people I care about ahead of myself the way that he did. I miss him dearly. So much in fact, that I want to build a portal to a parallel universe where Petey is still alive. I want to steal him and bring him back with me. But I’m not smart enough to pull that off. So this is the closest I could come to bringing him back, and I hope you take the opportunity to get to know and adore Petey the way I do. I hope to give you a second chance to know Peter Willison. I hope that someday you will know the deep, profound, awful pleasure of feeling the rawness of your heart breaking at a loss so vast, and when you do, you will know that you have been touched by greatness.
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10 thoughts on “Condolences

  1. Peter you will always be in my heart. I can honestly say that I have thought about you at least twice a day since your passing. It has really made me open my eyes to the friendships and Family that I love and care about. At the blink of an eye everything can change. I wish I could have just picked up the phone on THAT day and called you. Maybe just a conversation from one of your oldest buddies could have changed the outcome of everything. Im sorry buddy. Where you were always There for everyone around you, nobody was there for you when you needed it most. And for that im truly sorry. I love you buddy and you will always carry a special place in my heart.

    • Jeffro, what can I say? I feel your pain. I hope this blog can help. Please stay in touch and check back from time to time. And I hope this goes without saying but don’t hesitate to contact my brother or myself.

  2. Pete leaves a lasting impression that I will never forget. From the first moment I met him he made me feel like a long lost friend. He saw the best in everyone and was always looking at life with childlike eyes and wonder. He was so quick to help out or to build someone up. He could find a stranger on the street, strike up a conversation with them and within 5 minutes he’d find out either what they need most at that moment or some crazy hidden talent. He had a gift, it was loving everybody. If I could hear a laugh everyday it would be yours. This still feels like a weird dream or an alternate universe. The good thing is, he really was so special that I know I will carry apart of his “character” with me forever. I know everyone else who knows him will do the same, he was THAT contagious. Love you forever Pete.

  3. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I wish that I would’ve known such an amazing soul. I am so sorry for your loss while at the same time appreciating that knowing him was no loss at all, but it was too short a time spent on earth.

    • Amanda, thank you for taking the time to read this even though you didn’t have a chance to know my brother in this lifetime. Your concise summary of this post gives me hope that the rest of this blog might just be able to convey his life to those that never had an opportunity to know him. Please come back from time to time and get to know Petey.

  4. I will always remember Peter for his huge smile and contagious laugh. My life is changed for the better because I got the chance to know him. Thank you for keeping his memory alive and with us.

    • Nicole, his smile and laugh are what I, and I think everyone for that matter, misses the most. That’s not to say he couldn’t be serious, I have had some wonderful debates with him. But his smile and his laugh just had this way of giving such a comforting joy. Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing.

  5. I was deeply sad when I heard the news about Pete. Even though it’s been years since I’d seen him, I always remembered him as a sincerely, and genuinely nice person. Not the kind that worked really hard to be that way, but the kind that had no other way of being. He was always kind to me, a very shy, self-conscious girl,regardless of how anyone else was acting. I rremember one particular time when I was feeling left out and he hung in the back of the group with me and joked around and seemed genuinely interested in being near me… Not many teenage boys act like that just out of the kindness of their hearts. I know nothing I can say will bring him back, but know that when we find out my husband and I both cried and shared stories about Pete, and neither of us had anything even slightly negative to say. Your loss is everyone’s loss indeed, and I just wanted to give you and your family our heart-felt prayers for comfort and peace. He is definitely missed.

    • Holly, thank you for reading and commenting. I couldn’t agree with you more, I REALLY have to work to even come close to being how Petey was. I don’t know how it came soooo naturally to him. I’m glad that you had the opportunity to know him. Please stay in touch.

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